


Chasing My Own Dreams

by clashofqueens



Series: a joy you can't keep in [1]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars: Rebellion Era - All Media Types
Genre: Discussion of Abortion, F/M, Fix-It, Happy Ending, Light Angst, Rating May Change, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-05
Updated: 2017-02-10
Packaged: 2018-09-14 22:21:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 15,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9206000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clashofqueens/pseuds/clashofqueens
Summary: When the celebrations on Endor leave Jyn with more than just fond memories, she has to decide a future for herself.A prequel toFifteen Days





	1. Jyn

_Bantha-kriffing flu._ Jyn thought to herself, as she vomited in the bushes for the third day in a row. The Pathfinders were supposed to be undergoing training maneuvers before shipping out, but Jyn can’t seem to keep her rations down long enough to finish even one. As she straighten up, Jyn wavered for a moment, having to force herself to stand firm. She’s been hungry before and kept fighting, she’d have to manage it again. 

At least, that was the plan until she saw the concern in Kes Dameron’s eyes as he approached her. Her new CO clamped a hand down on her shoulder and Jyn huffed. “I’m not going to the medbay.” She said sharply. “New recruits came in last week, it’s the kriffing flu again.” It seemed every time a batch of new recruits came in, some sort of flu made the rounds on base, it seemed her luck had just finally turned. 

Kes’ eyes hardened a bit, and he shook his head. “We can’t be covert if you keep puking in the bushes. You’re going to the medbay. Now, Erso, or I’ll march you there myself.” For a moment, Jyn thinks about testing him, seeing just how far she can get with Dameron, but she’s been with the Rebellion long enough to learn how to take an order. Nodding, Jyn turned and started walking the half kilometer back to base. If she ever found out who brought the damn flu to Talus, she was going to kick their ass.

Medbay was packed, it always was, and for a moment Jyn considered slipping out before she was noticed. Dameron had ordered her to Medbay, not to actually get checked out. But the Force was certainly not with her, as a medical droid spotted her just then. “How may I assist you, Sergeant Erso?” The droid chirped cheerfully, and Jyn let out a sigh. “I’ve orders to report for a check up, I’ve got the flu.” A series of beeps and whirs later, the droid guides her over to a small corner with a chair and a curtain and tells her to sit before taking a blood sample and scanning her.

As the driod whirs off again, Jyn rested her head against the wall and let her eyes close. A soldier takes any chance to sleep, Saw always said, and Jyn drifted in and out of consciousness as she waited in the noisy Medbay.

Some minutes later, she wakes to the metallic sound of curtain rings dragging, and finds of all things an actual _human_ medic standing before her. A medic wouldn’t be wasted on telling a Sergeant they had the flu, and anxiety shoots through Jyn. She tamped it down, setting her face to her usual scowl to hide her growing discomfort. 

“Can I go yet?” Jyn snapped.

The young woman looks up from the datapad, looking about as exhausted as Jyn feels. “Not yet, Sergeant. You’re dehydrated, probably from the vomiting, so we’re going to get you on some fluids before releasing you. It’s not the flu, if you were wondering.” The medic paused, seeming to double check before looking up at Jyn. “You’re pregnant, Sergeant Erso.”

A bark of a laugh escapes Jyn before she can help it, and she stares at the medic as if she’d grown a second head. “I’m not pregnant.”

“Your test results disagree with you.” The medic flips the datapad to Jyn, as if she’d understand any of the medical jargon, but Jyn stares at it anyways. “I’m on contraceptives.” Jyn mumbled.

Taking the pad back, the medic sighed. “We had a bad batch come through, smuggler thought we’d notice if they watered down the pain meds, so they watered down the contraceptives to make a couple extra credits. You’re not the only one in this situation, if that’s any comfort.”

It wasn’t, and Jyn’s mind went racing. Cassian was two months gone, and intelligence missions didn’t come with end dates, he could be gone another week or a year and Jyn had no way to reach out to him. 

She was alone. 

After a moment, she realized the medic was still talking; prattling on about options and notifying her superiors and Jyn snapped back to the present. “No, I’ll tell Sergeant Dameron myself.” No one on this base could keep a secret, and the last thing Jyn wanted was everyone wondering just who was knocked up her up. There’d be enough of that later. 

After passing her a datapad of forms, the medic slipped out again, likely to find a droid to get Jyn her IV. Numb, Jyn filtered through the paperwork she’d been given. After the documents detailing everything they’d done to her today, were two files; _Termination_ and _Maternity Leave_. Jyn sighed, flipping off the data pad. She had to make a choice, and there wasn’t much time to think it over, but it could at least wait a few hours longer.


	2. Jyn

One bag of fluids later, Jyn’s released from the medbay and finds herself heading for the mess. The smell of food still turns her stomach, but it’s relatively quiet and at some point Sergeant Dameron will come through. Finding a table as far from the smell of food as she could, Jyn settles in. The datapad sits before her, almost daring her to face the choice before her. In practice, it should be easy, she is a soldier for the Alliance and now was not the time to be bringing a life into the universe. But something gave her pause, this wasn’t some hypothetical child, it was _her_ baby. Pulling her knees to her chest, Jyn stared off into the distance as she wavered between her two options.

Dameron found her there an hour or two later, and Jyn could smell the forest on him as he sat opposite her. They were quiet for a moment, until Dameron spoke up. “It wasn’t the flu, was it?” Jyn looked up at him, frowning. “How would you know?”

Dameron shrugged. “And no one looks this miserable over a simple flu.”

Jyn ran a hand over her face and sighed. “I’m pregnant.” She said softly, and looked up to see Dameron looking at her with a quiet consideration. “I figured. Shara could barely keep anything down the first few months she was pregnant with Poe.” His eyes have a far off look, and Jyn knows he must be thinking of his wife and child. A moment later, he stood sharply, and Jyn started at the sudden motion. “Wait here.” He ordered, before turning and disappearing into the mess. 

She’s curious enough to stay, and when he returns minutes later, Dameron comes bearing a tray with a bowl of something along with a teapot. “You need to eat something, Erso.” He said gently, setting down the tray. He’d brought her oatmeal and tea, and Jyn is struck that this is perhaps first time since her mother died that someone had prepared her a meal.

“I’m not hungry.” Jyn mutters, even as her stomach grumbles fiercely. “I can take care of myself.” She tries again, but Dameron just smirks. “You don’t have to, Erso. The Pathfinders look after each other, so eat your kriffing oatmeal and drink some tea. Then we’ll talk.”

Chewing her lip a moment, Jyn gives in and takes a few bites. When her stomach doesn’t rebel, she devoured the rest, drinking a good bit of tea as well. Just having something in her stomach was wonderful, and Jyn looked up to see a rather self-satisfied smirk on Kes’ face. “Thank you, Dameron.” She said softly.

“Call me Kes.” He said gently. “At least when we’re off duty.”

The silence is companionable, and Jyn finally feels ready to pick up the datapad. “I have to decide if I’m going to keep it or not.” She murmurs, feeling far older than just twenty-six standard years. 

Kes nods. “Does the father know?”

She shakes her head. “No. I don’t know how to contact him, he’s… off.”  
“So what do you want, Jyn?” Kes ask gently. 

That’s the real question, what she wants. After all, she’s the one doing all the hard work, she’ll be the one going through it, likely alone. Unconsciously, Jyn presses a hand to her stomach. “I… never made plans. Never thought about a future. But I think… I think I would like to have one. One with him - the father.”

They were quiet for a long moment, before Kes broke the silence. “Whatever you choose, Jyn. There’s a spot in the Pathfinders for you when you’re able to take it.”

Her throat closes up for a moment with emotion, and Jyn forced herself to nod. “Thank you, Kes.” 

“Get some rest, Sergeant.” Kes rose. “Orders have us shipping out in two days, I’ll need your decision before then.”

As he left, Jyn turned on her datapad. Unbidden, the image of a small boy flashed in her mind. All dark curls and familiar warm brown eyes, but his smile reminded Jyn of her mother. After a moment’s hesitation, she tapped a folder on the screen.


	3. Jyn

The Alliance’s idea of maternity leave is transferring Jyn into the Auxiliary corps, and a never ending pile of datapads to sort through. The work is boring and somehow exhausting even though she rarely leaves the small office given to her and three other Sergeants in a distant corner of the base. It’s a slow sort of suffocation, and Jyn finds herself spending her breaks lurking around the edges of the hanger.

Like the mess, it’s always busy there, and she watches the freighters and transports come and go with a jealous eye. She misses the familiar jolt of a ship going to hyperspace, the moment of weightlessness before the antigrav is activated, she misses _moving_. 

Pressing a hand to her stomach, Jyn reminds herself of why she’s staying so still, of the little boy with his dark eyes and dark curls. Her baby is always a boy in her dreams, even though the medical droids say it’s too early to determine gender yet.

Her comm chirps, reminding Jyn that she still has a pile of supply requests to finish back on her makeshift desk. Leaving the hangar reluctantly, Jyn was halfway back when she heard a familiar voice.

“Jyn! Is that really you?” Bodhi Rook calls out, a wide grin on his face that Jyn can’t help but return. 

“Bodhi? I thought you were stationed out on the Outer Rim?” She tried to keep track of him, but reports from the edges of the Rebellion could be unreliable. Bodhi nods and shrugs. “They’re pulling us into the Core now the Emperor’s gone. I heard you were with the Pathfinders now, but they were shipping out when I arrived.”

“I… I’m on medical leave.” Jyn drew herself up, looking Bodhi square in the eye. “I’m pregnant.” She’s not sure what she expects from his reaction, disbelief or disapproval, but when Bodhi beams Jyn feels a rush of relief. “You’re pregnant? Jyn, that’s wonderful.”

Bodhi pulls her into a hug and Jyn relaxes against him, Bodhi’s joy is infectious.

“Does Cassian know?” Bodhi says softly as he hugs her, and Jyn stiffens for a moment. “No. How did you-

“Spend enough time around the the two of you and you’re both about as subtle as a bantha stampede.” Bodhi cut in. “All the staring and the pining, and I saw you two once, on Hoth.”

Jyn’s cheeks are burning, and she pulls away from Bodhi. “Oh…”

“I don’t think… no one else knows, I think.” Bodhi stammers, his familiar awkwardness starting to creep in.

“Don’t worry about it, Bodhi.” Jyn mutters, hearing her comm chirp again. “I have to go back to work. Will you be shipping out soon?”

“No, a shipment got held up by pirates, so I’m grounded for a few more days.” Bodhi shrugged. “I’ll be seeing you around, then?”

“Yeah, I’ll be around.” Jyn waved as she went back to the small office, feeling a little lighter now. When she found Bodhi in the mess later, they talked about his missions and all the trouble he’d gotten himself into and Jyn felt like herself again.


	4. Jyn

Her clothes began to tighten about her middle around her third month, right when Talus’ summer arrived. It was unbearably hot throughout the base, and Jyn felt as if she was being cooked alive, especially in the stagnant air of her office. Too deep within the base for any hope of a breeze, Jyn found herself almost daydreaming about Echo Base and the frozen hell hole of Hoth.

It was during an especially muggy day that Senator Organa arrived on base. The arrival of any Rebellion leader always caused a commotion about the base, and Jyn did her best to avoid it. She never could manage to hide her contempt of those who’d wanted to run before Scarif, who’d would have condemned a galaxy to subjugation for their own skins.

“So this is how we’re treating heroes of the Republic these days.” A clear voice breaks through the muggy silence, and Jyn looks up from her stack of datapads before shooting to her feet and to attention. “Ma’am.” Leia Organa, princess of Alderaan and Senator of the New Republic glanced about the small room, not hiding her disapproval at all. “With me, Sergeant Erso.” She said firmly, before turning and striding out from the room. 

“So the best use they could find for you was reading… what were you reading?” The Princess snapped, looking over at Jyn when she finally caught up. Considering Leia Organa was even shorter than Jyn, she could cover a hell of alot of ground when she wanted to. 

“Requisitions and personnel transfers.” Jyn answered, and couldn’t help smiling as the Princess rolled her eyes. 

“I’m bored to tears just hearing that.”

Leia’s eyes ran over Jyn, and when they settled at her waistline Jyn knew the Princess had noticed her condition. Even at barely eighteen weeks, Jyn’s slight form had made even her small belly noticeable. “How would you like to get out of that room, Sergeant? Do some actually important work?”

“According to my CO, ma’am, that’s what I was doing.” Jyn answered smartly, still not sure what the hell was going on.

Leia huffed, but Jyn could see amusement in her eyes. “I had to leave my last attaché behind at Haven base, he couldn’t keep up with me anymore. Would you be interested in the position.”

“Attaché , ma’am?” 

“Assistant, gatekeeper, at my side to keep away those who’ll only get in my way.” They had reached the main corridors of the base now, and Jyn figured they were heading for Operations, where the brass had been planning something Jyn no longer had clearance for over the last few weeks. “We’re winning this war, Erso, and the Republic is starting to reform. Which means every kriffing politician is starting to maneuver for position, I can’t run a war and beat them off.” Leia fixed her gaze on Jyn, stopping suddenly. “If I remember correctly, you have a fondness for telling pompous nerfherders to go kriff themselves.”

Jyn can’t help the smirk. “I’m couldn’t say, ma’am.”

“Leia. If you’re going to work with me, call me Leia. Or you can go back and work on your requisitions and personnel transfers.”

Jyn’s eyes flit towards Operations, to ease her boredom she’d tried to parse what she could of the current situation from the requests that came across her desk. There was general movement inward, as the Alliance was moving to take the Core Worlds one by one, and she knew something big had to be coming. Something she wanted to be a part of.

“I have one condition.” Jyn said softly. “I want my kriffing blaster back.” She’d been forced to return her standard issue one to the quartermaster when she was transferred to the Auxiliary Corps, and lost the last one she’d ‘borrowed’ from Cassian somewhere on Endor.

Chuckling, Leia nodded. “I can arrange that, so long as you promise not to shoot General Draven.”

“Will he promise not to say anything stupid?” 

Heads turned towards them as the Princess laughed.

\-----------------------------------

The Empire was faltering without the Emperor, but not fast enough for the Alliance's comfort. At the Princess’ side, Jyn found herself quickly granted clearance to a wide swath of the Alliance’s plans and intelligence. All the answers to any question she could ever dream of right at her fingertips. A vein practically leaps from Draven’s forehead when Leia gives the order, and Jyn stores the memory away for the next time she needs a laugh.

For a moment, her fingers itch to type in one name. In less than a microsecond, she could know where Cassian was, in another have a message sent through on highest priority. More than a few nights, Jyn gets as far as opening the search function, only to close it again. He was doing his job, and Jyn knew she was a distraction he could ill afford. Cassian had told her as much, before he'd left her on Endor. Still, as her belly grew, so did the weight of her choice to not tell him yet, making restless nights even worse.

During the day, Leia never seemed to stop, and her pace left Jyn exhausted but thoroughly satisfied. Two weeks passed in a flash, then a month. Leia was good company when they were at work, and a fair commander when they were. It was easy to see how she inspired such devotion. And it was quite the show to watch her and General Solo spar with one another. Jyn privately was keeping score, and so far Solo is losing by a wide margin. Not that he seemed to mind.

It’s during one of those sparring matches, that Jyn feels a tingle up her spine, the familiar sensation of being watched. Flicking her eyes across the room, they fix on a familiar figure in the doorway. In an instant, bustle of Operations falls away. _Cassian_. From across the room she could sense his eyes on her belly, and see the anger in them. An anger she hadn’t seen since that horrible fight on Eadu. His eyes snapped to hers, and after a moment that seemed to last forever, he turned and walked away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HE'S HERE HE'S HERE ~~four months late and with starbucks~~
> 
> I can't begin to thank all of you for your encouragement. This chapter was... a doozy to try and do, especially considering the ending I had in mind!
> 
> I really do hope you all keep enjoying this story, and will stick around to the end. I have had the past few days off work, so the pace will slow after the weekend, but I plan to finish the story.


	5. Cassian

**Endor - Four Months Ago**

In the quiet of the morning, the soft buzzing of his comm has Cassian awake in an instant. The Alliance has a mission for him, and a ship leaving for Coruscant in an hour. Jyn stirred a bit against him, and Cassian traced absent patterns down her arm.

“You’re leaving then?” He feels the words as much as he hears them, and Cassian presses a kiss to the top of her head.

“There’s a ship in an hour.” It’s not enough, but they’ve learned to make do with the time they can steal.

Jyn hums softly, nuzzling closer. “Three days… I think that might be a record.”

“I thought we had four days on Hoth once.” No matter how long or short their time together is, Cassian knows it’s getting harder to leave her behind each time. 

“Doesn’t count, you were in a Bacta tank for the first day and a half.” Jyn’s hold tightens on him for a moment, and Cassian slowly stroked his fingers up her spine.

Tipping her chin upwards, Cassian slowly kissed her. “I’m here now, with you.” 

Jyn responded eagerly, as always, before pushing him away. “Don’t start something you won’t be around to finish, Cassian.” Jyn’s eyes were dark with lust, and Cassian couldn’t help but grin.

“There’s enough time. If we’re quick.” His hands slipped down her sides, even as Jyn started to squirm away with a laugh. “No there’s not. It’s at least a twenty minute walk to the nearest landing pad and you’ll want to do preflight checks, and…” She groaned when Cassian nipped at her shoulder. “ _Cassian_ , you have to go… you have orders.”

“Jyn Erso lecturing me about orders?” Laughing, he let her roll away from him. Jyn was right, there wasn’t nearly enough time to do all of the things he wanted to just then. “Force, who would have guessed? We’ll make you a proper rebel yet.”

“Never.” Jyn’s eyes followed him as he rose and started to quickly redress. “You’d get bored of me then.”

Pulling on his shirt, Cassian turned to her. “Never.” He said firmly. “I could never be bored with you, Jyn.”

For a long moment, they stared at one another. And Jyn smiled softly, one Cassian knew was only his. “I know, but it’s fun to tease you.”

“Terrible woman.” He leant forward and kissed her forehead. “You’re not going to ask to come with me this time?”

“And be predictable?” She shook her head. “My transfer finally went through, I join the Pathfinders tomorrow. Besides, you always say I’m too reckless and a distraction from the mission.” 

“You are the best sort of distraction.” Cassian murmured, half tempted to take her anyways. But a moment’s distraction, as pleasurable as it could be, also could result in their deaths. “I’ll see you after, then.”

“After.” Jyn replies, repeating what is and isn’t their promise to one another. “Now go, before I change my mind and pull you back into this bed. Orders be damned.”

He smiled one last time at her, before forcing himself to leave their small hut. Cassian doesn’t let himself look back, even as he feels her eyes on his back.

\-----------------------------------

**Coruscant - Two Months Ago**

As his line to Draven cut out, Cassian sat a moment in the quiet of his ship. Again, his request to return to base was denied and he was ordered to continue sifting through the darker corners of the undercity for rumours of the Emperor’s secret orders. The discovery of Operation: Cinder had come barely in time to save Naboo, the Alliance could ill afford to be surprised again by a dead man.

Running a hand over his face, Cassian sighed. How much longer could he hold the secrets together? How much more blood would he cover his hands with before this damned war was over.

As his darker thoughts started to consume him, Cassian forced himself to think of Jyn. She had become his reason to keep going, even as he grew to hate the work more and more. Turning to the secure link, he opened up the personnel files with a password he wasn’t supposed to have and opened hers. The holoimage had been updated since he last checked, her hair a bit longer than had been on Endor but the same fire in her eyes. He let his eyes linger on it for several moments, before looking for her posting. 

_Sgt. Jyn Erso, Pathfinder Squadron, Talus Base._

She was safe, that was all that mattered. He could make peace with the wretched things he did, so long as Jyn Erso would be there to welcome him home at the end of it.

\-----------------------------------

**Coronet City, Corellia - the previous day**

The blaster wound in his side ached, but Cassian pushed through the crowds towards his safehouse. His dark jacket hid the blood well enough, but he could feel his strength flagging. He couldn’t risk doubling back again in case he was followed. Keeping his hand on his blaster, Cassian turned down the alley, pounding on the door in the sequence he’d been given.

Strange hands pulled him in, yanking up his shirt and slapping a bacta patch over his wound. 

“Captain Andor, do you still have it?” 

Cassian ground his teeth together, forcing himself to try and focus on the face the voice had come from. Bren Derlin’s gaze was serious, and Cassian shook his head. “Not the disk, they were too close, I had to destroy it. But the information… it’s up here.” He tapped the side of his head, groaning as the movement pulled at his side. “I have what we need.”

Derlin sighed, helping Cassian into a chair. “Then we need to get you to Draven… it’ll take a few hours, but at least he’s close.”

“Where?” Cassian was so very tired, but he forced his eyes to stay open.

“Talus.”

\-----------------------------------

The hours it takes to arrange for his smuggling off Corellia gave Cassian’s wound time to heal at least. As he waited, Cassian pulled out the encrypted datapad Derlin had leant him. It had been weeks since he had the time and security to check on Jyn, and after such a close brush with death, he wanted to see her again - even as just a holo.

It was unlikely she was still on Talus after four months, but he still scrolled to where her current station would be listed.

_Sgt. Jyn Erso, Indefinite Medical Leave, Talus Base_

Cassian’s blood ran cold. The change in status was dated two days after he’d last checked. She’d been injured and on leave for two kriffing months. He forced back the urge to be sick. Something had happened and he hadn’t known. Medical leave could mean anything, from a broken leg to floating in a bacta tank on the edge of death - the Alliance liked to be vague with such terms. He’d even been on ‘indefinite medical leave’ for almost eight months after Scarif.

The pad seemed to almost groan in his grip, and Cassian forced himself to set it down instead of hurling it at the wall. He needed to get to Talus, to Jyn.

\-----------------------------------

Derlin must have sent word ahead of his injuries, because a medic was waiting at the base of the ramp when Cassian landed at Talus base. Striding towards him, Cassian grabbed the smaller man by the collar. “Sergeant Jyn Erso. Where is she?”

Dropping his medical kit, the medic stuttered. “S-sir?”

“Sergeant Erso. Jyn Erso.” Cassian shook him, ignoring how his side ached.

“Operations? With the Princess Organa.”

He processed that for a moment; Jyn was awake, she was mobile, and for some reason she’d found herself with Leia Organa. Someone also needed to emphasize the importance of kriffing security on the medical staff. 

Setting the medic back on his feet, Cassian stormed off. He’d not been on Talus in years, but Cassian knew where the Operations room had been, it was unlikely they’d moved it. 

The bustle of voices tell him he’s right before he reaches the room, and Cassian stands in the door. There’s maybe thirty people in the room, but it’s easy enough to find the Princess, she’s busy yelling at the smuggler-turned-general Solo. And at her side was Jyn. Tension started to unspool from his shoulders, she was whole from what he could see. And yet those two little words haunted him, _medical leave_.

Jyn turns then, as if she could feel him watching her, and the green lights of the display boards reveal the piece of this puzzle he’s been tormented with. Her stomach was swollen - Jyn was pregnant and Cassian’s universe ground to a sickening halt. Not big enough for six months, when they’d managed a few hours together on Bespin, but enough for four with her small frame. Either way, she’d known for two kriffing months - since she’d gone on medical leave - and hadn’t bothered to tell him.

His fists clenched, he tried to center himself as he’d been trained, to calm the emotions running through him but all Cassian can think is that she didn’t trust him with this. He lifts his gaze to Jyn’s wondering if maybe he’ll find an apology there. But her eyes are blank, as always when she’s hiding something from him. 

Cassian wants to scream, to shake some sense into her stubborn mind, to just kiss her with relief that she was still safe and alive. Instead, he turned on his heel and stormed off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so we know what cassian was doing while away, but how will they make their way forward?
> 
> i just want to make it clear, he's never doubted her loyalty to him, just her trust - which is almost worse!
> 
> tomorrow I start up work again, but we're heading into the slow season. i can't promise a chapter a day, but i will do my best to keep this updated regularly.


	6. Jyn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank all of you for being so patient in waiting for this update - work got in the way. It won't be getting much better as I'm closing several days in a row next week which leaves almost no time for coherent writing.

Jyn’s eyes were frozen to the spot where Cassian had just stood, heartbeat echoing in her ears. He was alive, he was here, but he’d walked away from her.

“Jyn?” Leia’s hand was on her elbow, and Jyn turned to find the arguing couple were now staring at her. 

“I'm fine.” Jyn lied, her whole body buzzing with nervous energy. “Just… absentminded. Let’s get back to work.”

\-----------------------------------

A pounding on her door woke her hours later, and Jyn sat up groggily. Her whole mind was out of sorts, like it hadn't been in years, but whoever is pounding won’t go away. Pressing the door control, Jyn was more surprised than she should have been to see Cassian standing there.

“Bodhi told me where your room was.” Cassian answers the question she hadn’t asked, and Jyn stares at him a moment before stepping aside so he can enter. His eyes won’t meet hers, instead looking everywhere else around the sparse room. Jyn noticed how his jaw clenched at a small crate of baby clothes Kes had brought Jyn after his last visit to Yavin.

“Are you even going to look at me?” Jyn snapped, hating how he was right there but his mind was elsewhere. She was used to his attention being wholly hers when they were alone.

When he finally looked at her, Cassian’s eyes were cold and strange, but Jyn didn’t shrink away from it. “You’re pregnant.” His voice shook slightly, but Jyn couldn't read him beneath his spy’s mask.

“Brilliant observation. Are you going to ask me if it’s yours next?” It’s easier to be angry at Cassian than to admit she might have made a miscalculation in not telling him sooner. Or at all.

“Of course it’s mine.” Cassian snapped, and his mask drops long enough for her to see his fury. “I’m not stupid, Jyn. You’re four months along, we certainly fucked enough on Endor. You told me you were on contraceptives, so how the kriff are you pregnant?”

She met his fire with her own. “I thought I was, the Alliance bought watered down meds off the wrong damn smuggler.”

“And you kept it without even thinking to say anything to me?”

“How was I supposed to tell you? You were on a mission, Cassian! I didn't know where in the galaxy you were or if you were even kriffing alive!” Not knowing had been difficult before this mess, when Jyn wondered at night if he would leave her like everyone else. Knowing she might have his child but never see him again was worse. 

“You have clearance, you’re Leia Organa’s kriffing assistant!” He snarled, coming close to her.

“For two weeks!” They were both yelling now, and Jyn didn't care that someone might hear, not when Cassian was being a monumental bantha’s ass. “With Draven breathing down my neck waiting for me to violate the security protocols so he could bust my ass back to fucking requisitions.”

Cassian laughed, but it wasn’t the laugh that caused tingles to shoot up her spine. This laugh was cold and cruel, and Jyn balled her fists at the urge to lash out. “Like protocol ever meant shit to you. This is important, Jyn, and you didn’t tell me!”

“And I don’t regret it!” They stared at each other for a long time, and Jyn took a deep breath. “I don’t regret it. Because I distract you - you take stupid risks for me, Cassian. And if not telling you means that you came home, I can make peace with that.”

“That’s not your choice to make, Jyn.” The fire had gone out of him, and he looked away from her. “I could be focused and still catch a blaster bolt in the wrong place, not telling me something doesn’t make me safer. It just means I would have died without knowing I… I’m going to be a father.”

Jyn pressed her lips together, staring at a spot just past his shoulder. “I… I have to get up early. You should go, Cassian.”

Wrapping her arms around her middle, Jyn turned away from him. After several moments, Cassian muttered a soft curse and she heard the door open and close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :(


	7. Cassian

As the door to Jyn’s rooms slid closed again, Cassian ran a hand over his face. It was a mess, all of it, and it wasn’t the first time he wondered if maybe he just wasn’t meant for happiness. That the war had ruined him, stained his soul beyond repair. Sighing, Cassian moved down the hall, towards the unofficial ‘cantina’ that had been set up just off the hanger bay. It stocked a mixture of smuggled alcohol but also some truly terrible concoctions mixed up by the mechanics in stills hidden in the woods.

As he found a seat and a glass of something claiming to be Corellian brandy, Cassian replayed the fight in his head. Jyn had withheld the truth because she thought he might be distracted. He wanted to be insulted by that, to puff out his chest because he’s Captain Cassian Andor , the best of Rebel Intelligence - but she was also kriffing right. 

Even as early as Jedha, he had found himself worrying about her when he should have been focused on the mission. He hadn't left her behind when she was no longer vital to the mission, had ran out onto that damn platform despite the x-wing bombing runs to pull her off of it. Cassian hadn't shot her father because Galen Erso had his daughter’s eyes. 

_Force_ , all that on just their first mission out together.

Over twenty years of service, all that experience of focus and dedication to his objections undone by one tiny woman and her recklessness. 

Because he loved her, almost from the very start. 

“Kriff.” Cassian pressed his hands to his face. “I’m a kriffing idiot.”

“I could have told you that.” Bodhi’s voice was light, and Cassian looked up at his smirking friend with a groan. “Heard you farked up your reunion with Jyn.’

The pilot dropped into the seat across from him.

“What would you know about that?” Cassian muttered.

“It’s a base full of bored pilots who have nothing better to do than gossip about yelling coming from Sergeant Erso’s rooms.” Bodhi pulled out a flask from his flightsuit, offering it to Cassian first. "Also you were yelling so loudly, I'm pretty sure ships in orbit heard the two of you."

Shaking his head, Cassian relaxed back in his chair. “She lied to me, not outright but… omission is it’s own sort of lie.”

“She was worried about you.” Bodhi took a long swig. “It wasn’t easy for her, Cass. You know how important making the Pathfinders was to her. Jyn had to give that up and then they reassigned her to a depressing little office to look through requisitions all day.”

Requisitions. Jyn had mentioned Draven wanting to send her back there. “They had her doing paperwork?” It’s not an image Cassian can imagine easily, Jyn was a woman of dynamic energy - only still when she needed to be or sleeping. 

Bodhi nodded. “Right up until the Princess requested her as her new aide.”

“I bet General Draven was thrilled about that.” Cassian couldn’t help a soft smile. Draven had never taken to Jyn, but Draven had never liked anyone who was willing to question orders. “I just… I still wish she’d said something.”

“When you couldn’t do anything to help her?” 

Frowning, Cassian looked over at Bodhi. “Stop making sense.” He said sourly, but it was true. Even if Jyn had sent word, he hadn’t be able to check his damn datapad for two months, only using dead drops to arrange transport and meetups. He wouldn’t have known anything any sooner. “I need to talk to Jyn.”

Bodhi clambered out of his chair. “Not tonight, you already woke her up once, she’ll probably shoot you if you do it again.”

Checking the chrono, Cassian saw it was so late it was almost early again. “I don’t have anywhere to go.” Between getting debriefed, reporting to medical and Jyn, Cassian had forgotten to stop by the Quartermaster to get assigned a bunk.

“You can come with me.” Bodhi offered with a shrug. “My bunkmate is on a run to the Outer Rim.”

Cassian stood and groaned slightly as all his sore muscles made themselves known. “You’re a good friend, Bodhi.”

“I am, aren’t I?” Laughing, Bodhi, clapped him on the shoulder. “Is it too soon to congratulate you on becoming a dad?”

Thinking quietly for a moment, Cassian shook his head as he started to. “No… no it’s not too soon.”


	8. Jyn

Jyn couldn’t go back to sleep after Cassian left, tossing and turning in her bunk for ages before she finally gave up. The base rarely had quiet moments, but as she wandered the halls, there weren't too many people to run into. Still, she noticed the few rebels she did come across seemed to stare more than usual. Jyn knew people had wondered about who was her baby’s father, there was even a damn betting pool according to Bodhi and Kes. 

At least the base had something to talk about besides Leia and Han’s ups and downs. At least until Solo pissed Leia off again, Force - Jyn hoped that was soon. The halls were starting to fill with people, and so she made her way to the mess. She only wanted a cup of caf, but forced herself to grab an actual meal. As she finished her meal, Jyn looked up and saw the last person she wanted to see.

_Cassian kriffing Andor._

The rush of emotion was a familiar mix of relief and desire, affection and love, but also an overwhelming urge to punch him. Repeatedly.

She wasn’t sure if he’d spotted her - his eyes seemed to be scanning the crowded room still. But Jyn didn’t have long, Cassian had a knack for finding her, but she knew the base better than he did. Getting up carefully, Jyn slouched her shoulders to make herself smaller, ducking behind taller members of the crowd as they passed. She’d cleared the mess and was walking quickly towards Operations when familiar steps fell in next to hers.

“Jyn, we need-” 

“I don’t need shit from you, Captain.” She interrupted him, trying to walk faster but he was kriffing tall and kept pace with her. He sighed, and placed a warm hand on her back before Jyn jerked away. “Touch me again, and I’ll break your kriffing hand. You don’t get touch me after what you said last night.”

He stared at her for a moment, hiding his emotions again and _stars_ the urge to punch him was strong. “We have nothing to talk about, Captain Andor. Unless you need to speak to the Princess, in which case you can send your request through official channels instead of making me late, _sir_.”

His jaw twitched, but Cassian didn't move. It felt like he was waiting, expecting Jyn to crack or relent and it made her want to push harder. 

Maybe leaving him would hurt less than being left.

\-----------------------------------

The next few days, Cassian lingers at the edges of her vision. He’s always in the mess, always passing her in hallways, always in kriffing Operations. Jyn knows what he’s doing, trying to wear her down into talking to him by always being about.

It pisses her off. 

It makes her miss him more.

She didn't need Cassian, Jyn reminds herself. She had done just fine on her own before the Alliance, and she was doing alright now. The war was ending, they were winning, and slowly the Princess and the Senate were planning what would come after. It was still an idea Jyn couldn’t wrap her mind around. That there was going to be an after, that she’d live to see it, that she would be raising a child in a galaxy without the Empire.

Jyn rested her hand over the belly; feeling her son kick gently in response. The droids had confirmed what she’d seen in her dreams, she was having a little boy. 

She didn’t need Cassian to have this baby, he’d done his part already. But Jyn was realizing that she wanted Cassian there. They could survive on their own together, but she wanted Cassian there too, if he wanted to be.

“Sergeant Erso?” Snapping to attention, Jyn turned to see a mechanic she didn’t recognize looking nervously at her. “What is it?”

“Lieutenant Rook sent me. He says to tell you that Captain Andor is about to leave on a mission and you need to - pardon me ma’am - he said you need to stop being a karking laserbrain and say goodbye or you’d regret it.” The mechanic stuttered out.

Cassian was leaving? Jyn’s stomach dropped out. He’d been on base for a week and a half, she should have expected it to happen soon. Mumbling out a thank you, Jyn rushed her way to the hanger. It was full of ships coming and going, a massive space filled with beings and machines of various sizes. In the chaos, she struggles to find Bodhi or Cassian, popping up on a crate for a better view point. Spotting them across the hanger, she pushes her way through, determined to reach the small ship before they leave. 

“Cassian!” He turns towards her, and for a moment, starts to smile before he tamps it down. Behind him, Jyn can see Bodhi and Kes loading up the small u-wing, each with a knowing smirk. 

“Sergeant Erso.” Cassian said softly, but Jyn can see the satisfaction in his eyes.

“Firstly,” Jyn stood as straight as she could, still barely reaching his shoulder. “I’m still angry with you. But you’re leaving and you did have a point. It was… unfair of me not to tell you that you were going to be a father. I also… I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to you and I hadn’t said goodbye.”

“Jyn.” His hands hovered above her, not quite close enough to touch her. “Can I touch you?”

She couldn’t help laughing softly. “Yeah, you can touch me. For now.”

Cassian pulled her into his arms, and it felt like home. She pressed her face to his chest, not caring who saw her or what they thought. 

Their time was running out and Jyn knew he had to be holding up everything just to hold her, but Cassian didn’t let her go for several moments. “We’ll talk about the baby when I get back, Jyn. We’ll talk about everything and I promise you can yell at me as much as you’d like.” Nodding, Jyn smiled softly, letting herself pretend there wasn’t a chance they might never have that conversation. 

“It’s a boy.” She said softly, playing with the collar of his shirt. “We’re having a boy.”

When Jyn looked, Cassian’s smile was brighter than a supernova. “A boy? That’s wonderful, Jyn.” His thumb stroked her cheek, and Jyn closed her eyes and leaned into his touch.

“Can I kiss you, Jyn?” Her breath caught, and Jyn barely managed to nod before he was kissing her. _Force_. Jyn felt her knees buckle slightly, but his arms kept her on her feet. Giving as good as she got, she smirked when he yanked away from her with a groan. 

“I have to go, Jyn.” Cassian pressed a kiss to her forehead, and she gripped his shirt tightly. But Jyn knows she’ll let him go in a moment, like she always does. “I know, but we’ll be here when you get back, Cassian.”

Kissing her one more time, despite Bodhi’s whistle in the background, Cassian stepped away from her. “Be careful, Jyn.”

She quirked an eyebrow. “I’m not the one flying off into danger.”

“No, you attract it like a magnet.” With a soft grin, he turned and walked to the u-wing. As usual, he didn’t look back, but Jyn watched as the ship started up and took off. She would be there when Cassian came back, they would fix the mess between them and maybe start to work on what their ‘after’ would be.

\-----------------------------------

Ten days later, Cassian fidgeted in the co-pilot’s seat as they approached the atmosphere of Talus. They’d been radio silent since leaving, and he was anxious to know how Jyn and the baby were doing. Bodhi had been right, knowing and not being able to do anything to help Jyn was worse.

Next to him, Bodhi was frowning, flicking through comm channels rapidly. “Captain, I’m not picking anything up.”

“What do you mean?” Cassian’s blood ran cold, and he turned towards the planet. “Are you on the right channel?”

He heard Bodhi’s insulted huff, and another sequence of switch flipping. “I was on the right channel, there’s nothing.”

Kes came up from the cargo bay. “What’s going on?”

It was as if they were both speaking at a distance, and Cassian forced his panic down. This wasn’t the moment, and it could simply be a mistake or malfunction. _Or it could be much worse._

“Bodhi isn’t picking up any transmissions from Talus Base.” Cassian’s voice managed to be calmer than he felt. “Bodhi, keep it low and let’s do a flyover of Talus base. Keep transmitting our landing codes, we don’t want to spook anyone.” 

The pilot nodded and brought the u-wing down so it was skimming over the forests and fields that surrounded the Talus base. Cassian started to tap his fingers against the armrests, and felt Kes’ hand reach out and squeezed his shoulder. If anyone knew how he felt, it would be Dameron. 

The base came into view and Cassian’s heart dropped through the floor. Wrecked fighters and other ships littered the ground, old enough that the fires had burned out. The base had been attacked, and there was no sign of survivors. 

Talus Base was gone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry


	9. Jyn & Cassian

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, I'm sorry for taking so long to post this. This chapter was a doozy to get through after a very, very long week of work.
> 
> If it makes it any better, this chapter is over 3,000 words, which makes it the longest by far!
> 
> Enjoy and thank you all so much for your encouragement, it means the world to me.

**Five Days Ago**  
Jyn woke to her room shaking, followed by the alarms blaring. On her feet in an instant, Jyn shoved on her boots and pulled out her go-bag from under the bed. Quickly but methodically, she strapped on her baster, as many vibroblades as she could and - with a moment’s hesitation - her truncheons. She preferred close quarters, taking advantage of her size and speed to get close, but that was before she was nearly five months pregnant.

Another blast shook the room, and Jyn forced her concern to the back of her mind. Grabbing her comm, she thought through her plan. _Get the Princess, get out of here._ Two steps, but things were rarely that simple.

Jyn activated her comm. “Leia, it’s Jyn. Where are you.” She held her breath, hoping the Princess was already on a damn ship so Jyn could just run for the hanger.

“I’m… in the East Wing. Just get out of here, Jyn, there are troopers in the base.” She had to repress a smile, Leia’s rooms were in the North Wing, but Solo’s were in the east.

“Stay there, Leia, I’m coming to extract you.”

“You are five months pregnant, Sergeant Erso, you’re getting on a ship now. I’ll make that an o-” Jyn flicked off her comms, she couldn’t disobey a direct order if she hadn’t heard it.

It was less than half a click to Solo’s quarters, another half click back to the hanger. Easy.

Flicking off the safety on her blaster, Jyn left her room, moving as quietly as she could down the hallways. The emptiness combined with the blaring alarm had her on edge, but she stuck to her training. Whipping around a corner, at the familiar sound of blaster fire she threw herself out of the way. Landing hard, Jyn looked for the source and swore softly. A group of karking Rebels were staring at her with wide eyes, until one turned and punched their companion on the arm.

“You almost karking killed Jyn Erso, laserbrain.” She could almost laugh, after Scarif and years of fighting the Imperial Army, she’d nearly been killed by a kriffing blaster-happy Rebel private.

“Some advice...” Her hip twinged as Jyn stood, and she shoved down the anxiety that her fall might have hurt the baby. “Shoot the bucketheads in the white armour.”

Of the three Rebels before her, Jyn can’t spot a single ranking above a private. “Where’s your commander?”

The tallest one shrugged. “Don't know, we were off duty when the alarms went off.”

“Guess that makes me your commander then.” When did she pick up Cassian’s habit of taking in strays? Jyn sighed softly before squaring her shoulders. “Who wants to rescue the princess?”

\-----------------------------------

**Present**

Splashing water on his face to try and settle his stomach, Cassian stared at his reflection in the small refresher mirror. His face appeared calm, a well used mask of his, but inside he was almost consumed by a storm of fear and panic. Talus Base was gone, but some hope remained. An evacuation had taken place, and when they found the rest of the rebels, Cassian would find Jyn. 

She had to be alright, they both had to be alright. Cassian didn’t let his mind consider what it would mean if they weren’t. He couldn’t lose his family a second time. 

With one last look in the mirror, Cassian made his way to the cockpit. Bodhi and Kes were hunched over maps, both quietly not mentioning how long he’s been gone. They understand, Bodhi’s like a brother to Jyn and Kes had a family of his own. “Where are we headed?” He holds his hands behind his back, squeezing painfully to keep the storm in check. 

“We’re not sure when the attack happened, but it’s either Devaron or Takodana.” Bodhi shrugs. “It’s a fifty-fifty shot of picking the right one.” 

Cassian rubs the back of his neck. “Which is closer.” They’d packed enough rations for two weeks, twice the expected mission duration. 

“Devaron, by far. It’s two days in hyperspace.” Kes shrugged. “Takodana is a Mid-Rim backwater. It’ll take us almost five days.” Beyond their rations but they could work around that. 

Logic said Devaron, everything he knew about the Alliance made Cassian think it would Devaron. But instinct, blind and without reason, pointed to Takodana. “There’s a hyperspace route to Takodana that would bring us by Devaron, isn’t there?” Cassian drew his finger along the chart. 

“We’d be a couple dozen parsecs away.” Scribbling calculations, Bodhi shrugs. “Close on a galactic scale.” 

Worrying his lip, Cassian nodded. “Plot it. We’ll drop out of hyperspace long enough to see if they’re at Devaron but we’ll make for Takodana.” 

Jyn was out there somewhere, he would find her. 

\-----------------------------------

“Sergeant Erso… Ma’am?”

Jyn let out a slow breath. These privates would be the death of her, with the talking and the questions and the not just shutting their karking mouths. 

“Yes, Private Anax?” They were almost there, two corridors away and they’d managed to dodge a few stormtroopers storming through the halls. Jyn had resisted the urge to attack, this was an extraction, and the last thing she wanted was to draw attention to Leia. 

The private shifted anxiously from foot to foot. “It’s just… you said we were rescuing the princess. But the princess’s quarters ar-” 

“I know where her quarters are. She’s not there.” Jyn grit out. 

“But why wouldn’t she be…” Realization dawned across Anax’s face. 

“And he gets it…” Jyn mumbled, looking around the corner. “We get the princess and Solo, get to the Falcon, and get the kriff out of here.” Another bomb shook the building, and Jyn noted dust falling from the city. “If we don’t get blown up first.” 

She glanced back at the small group. “And none of you say a damn word about where we found her or you’ll answer to me. Understood?” 

Slowly, they continued through the corridors, and Jyn ached with every step. Something was wrong, but she didn’t have the time to worry. _Get the princess, get out, don’t get killed._ Jyn repeated the mantra over and over in her mind. Worry would have to wait until they were safely in hyperspace. 

Her luck ran out as they reached the end of the hallway to Solo’s quarters. At the opposite end of the hall was a trio of troopers, kicking down doors and searching room by room. Because of Chewie, Solo had been assigned quarters in a rather empty part of the base, which meant there wouldn’t be anyone else to distract the troopers. They were only three doors away from Solo’s quarters and Jyn cursed. There wasn’t time for anything but a blitz attack. 

“Anax, Wilt take the lead. Jarl and I will cover you.” Jyn muttered softly, raising her blaster. This wasn’t her style, hanging behind - but she couldn’t risk herself mindlessly anymore. 

Anax and Wilt moved past her, and Jyn crouched, making herself as small a target as she could in the empty hallway. 

“Hey! Over there!” A trooper spotted them, and Jyn started returning fire quickly. They had surprise, but the troopers had the cover of the rooms they’d already searched. 

A cry, and Wilt was down, gripping her stomach. Two troopers fell without a sound, but the third was a crafty bastard. In and out of a room the trooper moved, and Jyn recognized the pattern as textbook Imperial tactics. Predictable textbook Imperial tactics. 

“Cover me.” Jyn shoved her blaster at Jarl and pulled out her shock baton. The trooper popped out again and fired three shots before ducking back. Throwing herself forward, Jyn sprinted down the hallway. She reached the door just as the trooper popped out and heard them grunt in surprise. Jyn’s first strike broke their wrist, and the trooper’s blaster went flying. The second strike Jyn planted into the armpit, and the baton discharged with a whine. 

The trooper dropped to the ground, stunned and twitching. Picking up the discarded blaster, Jyn killed the trooper with their own gun. 

“Anax, Jarl, clear the rooms.” Jyn turned back to the wide-eyed privates. “Wilt, can you make it to the hanger?” 

Wilt groaned, pulling a hand from her side. “I’ve been shot, ma’am. But I think I can make it.” 

“We’re all clear!” Jarl called out, jogging back to them. 

The door to Solo’s rooms slid open, and Jyn turned to find Princess Leia standing in the doorway. The Princess’ eyes were burning with rage, and Jyn swallowed. “Ready for your evac, ma’am?” 

“I ordered you to evac twenty minutes ago, Sergeant. Why are you still on base with three privates, fighting stormtroopers.?” Leia’s voice is light and breezy, the tone she used before completely destroying her opposition in debates of politics and tactics. 

Behind her, Jyn could see Solo covering his grin with a hand. Must be nice for him to be observing for once instead of being the focus of Leia’s ire. 

“I’m afraid I didn’t hear that order, ma’am. My comms’ broken.” Jyn shrugged, shifting a bit under the princess’ glare. 

“I’m sure.” Hoth was warmer than Leia’s tone. 

Blessedly, another explosion saves Jyn from any further questioning by Leia. “We should probably be leaving now, Princess.” Solo drawls, but Jyn doesn’t miss how his hand settles on Leia’s back for a moment, or how her friend’s eyes go soft when she looks at him. 

“There’s a pretty clear path to the hanger but keep your guard up.” Jyn took back her blaster from Jarl. “And may the force be with us.” 

Her crystal flared with warmth against her skin. 

\-----------------------------------

**Present - 49 Parsecs from Devaron**

Pacing the decking, Cassian checked the chronometer again. Only two minutes had passed since he’d last check and he almost growled in frustration. But they had to wait, wait for the message to reach Devaron, wait for any possible rebels to decode it, encode another message and respond. 

So much karking waiting.

He used to know how to wait, how to sit in one spot for hours - days even - waiting for a target to stand in just the right spot. Patience had been his greatest asset as an agent of Rebel Intelligence. 

But that was before Jyn Erso happened to him. 

Now it seemed every minute he didn't’ have his eyes on Jyn, she was doing something that could get herself killed. And now she’d been out of his sight for twelve standard days, almost three hundred hours for Jyn to get into all sorts of trouble which had at least included a large scale Imperial attack.

His pacing was edging on manic, and he forced himself to stand still. Resting his head against the bulkhead, Cassian took long, slow breaths.

“It’s hard, isn’t it.” Kes Dameron spoke softly, coming up the ladder from the engine room below. 

Turning, Cassian shrugged. “I’m fine.” He wasn’t, but they were on mission and there wasn’t room for him to be anything but fine.

“You’re wearing a hole in the decking.” Dameron’s tone was flat. “With Shara and Poe… unless I hear otherwise, they’re fine. You’ll drive yourself crazy otherwise.”

 _I’m already crazy._ The thought haunted him, and Cassian leaned back against the bulkhead. “They’re fine.” He muttered. “They’re fine.” If it helped, it was only for half a second.

Waiting a moment longer, Dameron moved past Cassian to the cockpit. Distantly, Cassian could hear them talking, Bodhi giving Dameron a status report. They were still holding, waiting for a response from someone who might not even be there.

The Alliance was out there, and until there was proof otherwise so was Jyn and their baby.

He could still see her, if he closed his eyes, Cassian remembered her as he last saw her. Standing in the hanger of Talus Base, the fire in her eyes when she warned him she was still angry with him. Jyn Erso wasn’t the sort to just forgive and forget, he was sure she’d give him a piece of her mind when he got back to her. Probably say something about how he was late and that he looked like hell. Chuckling softly, Cassian ran a hand over his face. 

“Cassian?” Concern filled Bodhi’s face and his voice. “It’s been three hours… no response.”

Nodding, Cassian pushed off the walk and moved towards the cockpit. “On to Takodana then. I’ll plot the course.”

\-----------------------------------

They’d managed to make their way through to the hangar without any interruption, but getting to the Falcon would be another story. A fierce firefight filled the large room, and the Rebels were losing.

Tucked behind a stack of crates at the edge of hangar bay, Jyn shifted as Wilt’s knee dug into her side. Solo looked grim, surveying the route to the Falcon. “We’re going to have to make a run for it.” He ducked back down.

“Chewie, you’ll go first and get the ramp down. Sergeant Erso, you and Leia will go first. Then you three…” He gestured at the trio of privates. “I’ll cover everyone and bring up the rear.”

“Always have to be the hero..” Leia muttered, but Jyn heard the worry beneath her annoyance.

Han smirked. “For you? Always.”

Jyn sighed. “If you two are done, It’s only a matter of time before they start aiming those bombs at the hangars.”

Solo actually blushes a bit as he takes his position. “Alright, on my mark….”

Leia and Jyn crouched next to each other, and Jyn reaches for where her crystal rests beneath her clothing.

“Go Chewie.” The Wookie let out a soft cry before he vanished around the corner, and Jyn took several slow breaths to calm herself down. At least the adrenaline made the pain of her hip fade for a moment.

When Solo barked for them to go, Jyn took off, running for her life. Blaster bolts were flying everywhere, the smell of it thick in the air. Some passed so close she could feel the heat of them on her skin. 

It had been months since she’d run like this, worked her body this hard and Jyn felt exhausted halfway across the distance to the Falcon. Her lungs were burning, each step felt like a vibroblade was digging into her side and there was the distinct sensation of grinding. Jyn ignored it, she had to get to the Falcon, that was all that mattered.

\-----------------------------------

**Takodana**

Cassian felt his knees go weak when their call was finally answered. The Alliance had taken refuge on Takodana, and he wondered just how Maz Kanata was enjoying her new guests. As the cargo ship touched down, Cassian rushed down the gangplank. The new base was smaller, only a few buildings but it was well hidden out here on the Mid Rim.

“Captain Andor.” He turned, finding a golden 3PO unit toddling towards him, the Princess’ if he remembered correctly. “Captain Andor, I have been instructed by Princess Leia to bring you to Sergeant Erso. If you would kindly follow me.”

“Jyn’s alright?” His heart was in his throat.

“I do not have access to Sergeant Erso’s medical records, however the medical droids did not seem overly concerned.”

“Medical droids?” Cassian stumbled a moment.

The 3PO unit didn’t seem to notice. “Sergeant Erso was admitted to medical care shortly after arriving on Takodana five days ago. She has been under observation since then.”

The world tilted, and he felt ill. Jyn had been in the medbay for days, and Cassian hadn’t been there. He just kept missing things, on missions or being petty and angry about things that didn’t truly matter. The missions he couldn’t help, not until the Empire was destroyed, but he could at least not be such a karking ass.

The walk to the medbay seemed to last an eternity, and was in chaos when Cassian entered. Blaster burns and broken limbs made up most of the injuries, the smell of burnt flesh and bacta hung heavy in the air. Doctors and nurses brushed past him, ignoring Cassian until finally one stopped.

“I’m looking for Sergeant Erso, do you know where she is?” His voice shook, despite Cassian’s efforts to remain calm.

“Recovery ward. That way.” Cassian followed his directions, his heartbeat echoing in his ears. 

Turning the corner, Cassian scanned the Recovery Ward until his eyes settled on a small figure, alone at the end of the room. _Jyn._

She sat up on her elbows, eyes wide as she smiled at him. “Cassian.”

“Jyn.” He moved quickly to her side, and she reached out to grab his shirt and pull him down to her level. Stroking her other hand over his cheek, she smiled softly, with an happiness that stole his breath away.

“Cassian, you’re here.” 

Swallowing, Cassian found his voice again. “I’m here. I found you. I’m always going to find you.” He would have scoured the whole damn galaxy for her. Jyn’s eyes teared up for a moment, and she rested her forehead against his.

“I knew you would.” Jyn whispered, before leaning forward and pressing her lips to his. It was slow and careful, and knocked him completely off balance. Pulling back after a moment, Cassian kissed her forehead softly.

Carefully, Cassian laid a hand onto her belly. He wasn’t sure what he expected to feel, two decades in the rebellion had taught him little about pregnancy besides how to avoid it. “And you’re both..?” His thumb stroked slowly over the blanket.

Jyn nodded and let out a familiar huff. “We’re fine, my last bacta treatment was yesterday. The droids are holding me hostage for observation.” Her hand covered his.

“And you’re letting them?” He couldn’t imagine a droid capable of keeping Jyn anywhere she didn’t want to be.

She shrugged, painting her face with a mask of innocence. “When it’s for the baby…”

“Jyn.” He quirked an eyebrow.

“Leia’s got a guard on me.” Jyn mutters flatly, and Cassian can’t help laughing at how peeved she is. When Cassian glances at her, Jyn’s staring at him as if she couldn’t bare to look away. “I missed your laugh.” She whispered softly.

“I missed you.” Lifting her hand to his lips, Cassian pressed a kiss to the palm of her hand. “I had a lot of time… thinking on the way here.” His thumb swept over the webbing of scars on her hand, evidence of a lifetime using altered blasters prone to overheating. 

Her fingers slipped into his hair and Cassian leaned into her touch like a lothcat. “You think too much.” Her tone was light, an attempt at deflecting away from anything close to them discussing what they were. 

“This is important, Jyn.” He needed to remind her that he was with her, even now that everything was different. There was a child involved, their child, Cassian couldn’t pretend that Jyn wasn’t the center of his world. She might have crept into his heart like a thief, but he wasn’t about to let her go.

Jyn squirmed for a moment, glancing away. “I know… I just - I mess up important things.” 

“So do I. I don’t want to mess this up, Jyn.”

“So don’t.” She smiled weakly, attempting bravado and faltering. “Or I’ll shoot you myself.” Cassian barely recognizes the Jyn before him, laid bare and vulnerable before him, but it’s a side of her he wants to know.

Stroking her cheek, Cassian nodded. “I’d give you the blaster myself, Jyn.”

Jyn studies his face for a long time, and Cassian lets her. She’s not the sort to trust easily, even all these years later there are parts of her that Jyn hides from him. There are parts of himself Cassian hides from her as well. Whatever she finds, however, seems to be enough, and she starts to inch her way over in the bed.

“Lie down before you fall down, Cass.” She mumbled, pulling back the blankets.

Cassian pulls off his boots and shrugs out of his jacket, leaving them by the bed. Ten days of missions and five of anxiety sitting on that damn cargo ship didn’t make for restful sleep. Not that he slept well without her anyways. The medical bed protested loudly as he climbed on next to her, and at first they were all elbows and knees before they settled together.

Nuzzling into Jyn’s hair, Cassian could smell her underneath the bacta and blaster smoke. “I’m sorry, I was an idiot.” He mumbled softly, already half asleep.

Jyn laughed softly, and he felt her lips brush against his neck. “You’re my idiot.”


	10. Jyn

He’d fallen asleep faster than Jyn expected, and yet she couldn't seem to follow him. Lying uselessly in a bed for a few days could do that. Sighing softly, she pressed her face against his shoulder. At least Cassian was here, wrapped around her, his hand splayed across her middle. With her face pressed against his shoulder, Jyn was surrounded by the scent of him. Pungent - as one could only be after nearly a week in hyperspace - but he’d smelled worse, and she’d missed the smell of him.

It was a testament to how exhausted Cassian was that he didn’t wake when she brushed her fingers over his hand. Jyn was certain he’d not had a good night’s sleep in decades. A shame, since he always looked so young when he slept, closer to his actual age, and it was the only time he seemed to lose that haunted look. Carefully, Jyn traced the scars that covered the back of his hand. They matched, she thought as she absently traced the webbing of scars over his knuckles and down to his wrist. He barely stirred, lost to the world as he slept for what was probably the first time in two weeks. After the war, they would have time, at least the time their son would let them have.

Smiling softly, Jyn laced her fingers with Cassian’s. She buried her face in his neck again and kissed his pulse point softly. “I love you.” They’d only said it a few times, unfortunately mostly when they thought they were going to die soon. Jyn couldn’t remember if her parents said it often but she’d seen it, in how they looked at each other - just as she could see it in how Cassian looked at her. Their little family was more than she’s ever imagined having, and Jyn was going to cling to it for as long as she could.

\-----------------------------------

At some point, Jyn managed to fall asleep, only to be woken by the annoyed beeping of a 2-1B droid. “Sergeant Erso, it is past visiting hours and this medical bed is not cleared to hold more than one patient at a time.”

She could feel Cassian stirring awake next to her, and Jyn never hated a damned medical droid more. “I should go.” He muttered softly, but Jyn grabbed at his shirt to keep him near. 

“He stays.” Jyn said firmly, glaring at droid. “He stays or I’ll walk out right now.”

“The fractures in your hip are only 89% stabilized, chance of re-fracture is at 65%, chance of a fracture impacting delivery of your child is at 15%.” The droid’s head tilted to the side. “Standing is not advised, Sergeant Erso.”

“He stays. Or I’ll leave.” She repeated, even as Cassian sighed and tried to move away. 

“Jyn.”

“No.” Turning her head towards him, she frowned at the bags still under Cassian’s eyes, the exhaustion he couldn’t hide from her after four years.“If you go, you’ll keep running yourself ragged. You haven’t slept in days - don’t try and tell me you did. You need rest, Cassian, and I can’t leave here to make sure you did get some rest. So... you’re going to stay here and rest with me.” She cheated a bit then, resting her hand over his on her belly. “Stay with us.”

Cassian was unreadable for a moment, then his fingers twitched beneath her hand. “I’ll stay.” 

“Captain Andor is not on the authorized persons list. He cannot remain past visiting hours, he is not family nor your superior officer.”

For a moment, Jyn fantasized about shooting the damned 2-1B in the head, watching the metal casing melt. It would have been satisfying, at least until Leia heard. “Captain Andor is the baby’s father, he’s family.”

“Records indicate the father of your child is unidentified.”

“Update your kriffing records then, and leave us alone.” Jyn snarled, wishing she still had her blaster, it would have been worth Leia’s scolding to shoot the damned droid. Cassian chuckled softly in her ear, and warmth flooded her body.

“Continuation of such language will result in your sedation, Sergeant Erso.” For a moment, the 2-1B almost sounds like K2 and Jyn’s heart aches a bit. “Files will be updated, and your superior notified.” The damn droid finally left, and Jyn let herself relax back against the bed.

“You did not tell them I was the father?” Cassian’s tone was light, and Jyn bit her lip. “They would have put it in your file and I… I didn’t want you to find out like that. Not that the way you did was any better.”

He snorted softly, nuzzling against her hair. “I would not recommend it.” Cassian’s hand slid down to wrap around her waist, holding Jyn close. He was quiet for several moments, just the two of them curled together in this little bed without the weight of the Rebellion pressing on them. When Cassian spoke again, it was barely loud enough for Jyn to hear. “I thought you were injured. Indefinite medical leave was all it said in your file and it had been months.”

Jyn froze, of course he had access to her files - once a spy always a spy, and suddenly their argument shone in a different light. Cassian had been scared, he had thought she was injured and Cassian was never sensible when he thought Jyn was in danger. “I’m sorry.” She whispered just as softly.

“You were trying to protect me.” Cassian murmured, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “But I do not need protecting, Jyn. I need your trust, like you have mine.”

Her breath shook, and Jyn nodded. “Can we… can we talk about this some other time?” Never would be her preference, or at least years from now when she’d learned how to be open without feeling weaker for it.

“Alright, but soon.” 

Neither of them fell back asleep quite as easily this time.

\-----------------------------------

The 2-1B finally let Jyn out two days later but Leia didn’t care lift her guard or give Jyn her blaster back. Apparently, the princess was taking her not listening to orders rather seriously, and Jyn grit her teeth as Private Wilt fell in step beside her, looking far to chipper for someone who had been shot recently.

“Morning, Sergeant. I’m supposed to remind you that walking longer than 20 minutes is in direct conflict with your doctor’s orders.”

 

“I hate you.” Jyn muttered, continuing her march towards the makeshift mess. She wanted something decent to eat, anything besides the bland slop she’d choked down three times a day in the medical wing.

Private Wilt smirked a bit. “Yes ma’am.”

If Jyn was in a better mood, she would have liked Wilt for that. Currently, however, she just wanted to eat in peace. 

Stepping up into the mess made tingling pains shoot through her pelvis, and Jyn couldn’t help groaning softly. How was it that healing always hurt worse than getting hurt. Wilt was there in an instant, a hand under Jyn’s elbow. “Ma’am?”

“I’m fine... “ Jyn grit out, grabbing at Wilt’s sleeve. “Get me to a kriffing seat, private. I’m just sore from you trying to kill me.”

The private went white for a moment before helping Jyn to a seat. “Please don’t say that to Captain Andor, ma’am. He’s scary enough.”

 

“You spoke to Captain Andor?” She’d looked up her band of baby Rebels, and they’d all enlisted after Endor. There was no reason, no chance for Cassian to have spoken to them, unless…

“He wanted to know about the evacuation, ma’am. Said he’d found us in the after-action report the Princess filled out.”

And there it was. Cassian had asked her about it the night before, how she’d managed to break her hip and Jyn had barely managed to _distract_ him by tugging him into their bed. When he’d tried again after that, the baby had blessedly started kicking and that chased any other thought out of his mind. But Jyn knew her powers of seduction and the fasciation he had with their unborn child weren’t enough to keep Cassian from hunting down her secrets forever.

“Who talked.” Jyn grit out. 

If Wilt thought Cassian was scary, she’d not seen the wrath of Jyn-kriffing-Erso. 

Wilt swallowed, her eyes darting around the room for any escape but the mess was mostly empty and Jyn had her trapped.

“Jarl only said that you tripped and fell, and that we happened to be there to help you but then he asked about the princess and Solo and _uh_ … Anax told him about the stormtrooper and he - the Captain, didn’t look too happy about that.” Wringing her hands, the private had a nervous look, like she was expecting Jyn to fly into a temper.

For a moment, Jyn was tempted too, but her back hurt and she was karking hungry. At least now she knew that Cassian would be coming home knowing nearly everything. “I take it you left out the part where I ‘tripped’ because the three of you are a bunch of blaster-happy nerfherders?”

Wilt almost seemed to sink into the floor before Jyn’s glare. “Yes ma’am.”

“Good.” Jyn said brightly. “This is how things are going to work then. I won’t tell Captain Andor you put my life and his child’s life at risk by nearly shooting me, and you and the other two geniuses are going to tell Princess Leia that I am following all of my medical directions and being a model patient and leave me alone.”

“But… but the Princess gave explicit orders.” Wilt mumbled. “You need to be monitored.”

“Who are you more scared of, Private Wilt, Captain Andor or the Princess?” Her fingers tapped against her belly, freedom was so damned close if only Wilt would realize just how karking screwed she was.

“Honestly, ” The private stepped back at the sharp grin on Jyn’s face. “You scare me the most, ma’am.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for disappearing for two weeks but life has been... life like? Not to mention having a wicked case of writer's block on this. The next few weeks unfortunately aren't looking much better. My parents are going out of town and I'm going to be house sitting their brood of pets and that will be a hell of a lot of work. 
> 
> I do, very much, plan to finish this fic, so no worries. I also finally made it into an actual series with Fifteen Days so you can track the series since I've been working on other parts of the story I have in my mind for Jyn and Cassian.


	11. Cassian

It takes most of his training not to go and find Jyn and shake some karking sense into her after his little ‘talk’ with the three privates. Five - nearly six - months pregnant, and Jyn was still running right into danger with only a tinge more care than a usual. And he was damned sure she hasn't just ‘tripped’ either. It seemed every time they came back to each other, one of them was in a damned medical bed and Cassian was tired of it, tired of this whole damned war they were fighting.

So instead of shaking sense into his partner, Cassian got to work planning out his strategy for the night. It wasn’t unlike planning a mission, only the mission was getting Jyn to stand still long enough to have an actual conversation about everything that was the last six months of their lives.

He’d tried last night, but Jyn had smiled that smile and damn her but Cassian couldn’t resist Jyn for long. Especially not after such a long time apart.

Thinking of it as a mission helped a bit, he’d dealt with wily and uncooperative subjects before. None of them were ever as stubborn and distracting as Jyn, but he was kriffing Captain Cassian Andor - and he always completed a mission.

He paused for a moment outside the door to their shared quarters, slipping into his spy’s mask. However it wasn’t enough for what he saw when he stepped in.

Jyn. In his shirt. _Only_ his shirt. The hem barely halfway down her thighs. That damned twinkle in her eye.

_Caraya’s kriffing soul._

“You’re home.” The tone of her voice told what was left of his analytical mind that Jyn knew he’d spoken to the privates, that she was playing him as much as Cassian was trying to play her. Swallowing hard, Cassian recited the plan over and over in his mind, trying to think of anything other than how badly he wanted Jyn as she crossed the small room to him. “I missed you, Cassian.”

Her voice was a soft purr, and Force did Cassian want to ditch his plan and follow Jyn’s. Her plans were messy and insane, but it was so much fun following her through them.

Distantly, Cassian was aware that she was following textbook seduction techniques - eye contact, running her hands down his chest, the husky voice and looking up through her eyelashes like she had a even a single coy bone in her small frame. It was excellent work, and he might have fallen for it if not for the cold, durasteel stuncuffs pressing against his back. He had a plan, and Cassian was going to execute his karking plan if it killed him. Even if Jyn decided to kill him.

He caught her hands before they could slip around his back, and slowly started to move them back towards the bunk. “I missed you too, Jyn.” Cassian murmured, bending down to kiss her. Best to let Jyn think he’d given in, have her let down her defenses a bit first. She relaxed, slightly, but Cassian could sense the tension in her. 

Slowly, Cassian brought one of her hands up to his lips and kissed it softly. “You should sit down, Jyn. The medics were very specific.”

Doubt flickers in her eyes a moment, and Cassian holds his breath. If Jyn catches on that he’s planning something, then the stuncuffs wouldn’t be enough to save his sorry ass from her wrath.

After a long moment, Jyn nodded and rose up on her tiptoes to kiss him slowly. He can’t help but follow as she starts to pull away, and enjoys the soft grin she gives him in return. 

Once she’s on the bed, Cassian distracts her with another slow kiss, trailing a hand down to her delicate wrists. Then, quick as he can, Cassian whipped out the stuncuffs, and snaps one cuff around her wrist as the other ensnares the bunk support. 

Jyn is only an instant too slow, and Cassian throws himself back as he catches the fury in her eyes. A trapped Jyn Erso is not a woman he wants to be near, not when he’s the one who caught.

“You bantha-fucking nerfherder!” Jyn snaps out as she tries to free herself, but even her fury is no match for durasteel and after a moment, she goes still. “You’re not playing fair, Cassian.” Her smile is cold, sharp as a knife and Cassian takes another step back.

“Since when have we ever played fairly?” He replied dryly, taking a seat at the desk. “You’re wearing my kriffing shirt.”

Her smirk couldn’t be anything less than damned coy, and Cassian has to stare just past her shoulder to keep himself from striding forward and kissing it away. “I thought you liked it when I wore your shirt, Cassian.”

“I do.” Cassian grit out, force knows he loves it. But now was not the time to give in to his baser instincts. “But not when you’re doing it to distract me from a serious conversation.”

“Nearly worked, didn't it?” Jyn shrugged, and his shirt slid off her shoulder a bit. Cassian held back a groan.

“You’re terrible.” He muttered, and this time she flashed a true smile, stealing his breath.

“I am, aren’t I.” Once more she tugged on the cuffs. “The stuncuffs were a little excessive, Cass. You could have just asked to talk.”

A snort escaped before Cassian could pull it back in. “Really? Because last night would suggest otherwise.” One offhanded comment about how they needed to talk and Jyn had been on him like a lothcat on a wounded lothrat. 

“You enjoyed last night.”

They were still going around in circles, even with her stuncuffed to a damned bed, and Cassian took a deep breath. “I did, but we have to talk about this. You agreed to that on Talus, before I left.”

Jyn shrugged again, Cassian wondered if it was deliberate that the motion made the shirt fall further down Jyn’s shoulder. “I’ve told you I’m not good at this.” Jyn muttered, pulling her legs up onto the bed.

“You’re pregnant, Jyn.” He moved closer to the bed but stayed well out of her reach. “We don’t have time to be bad at this. Especially if you keep pulling stunts like you did on Talus.”

Jyn grit her teeth, close to snarling at him. “I did what needed to be done to save the Princess.” 

“You ran right at a stormtrooper. An _armed_ stormtrooper!” Just the thought made his stomach flip in circles and fear shoot down his spine. Jyn was always charging off into danger, and he had always hated it as much as he loved her bravery. 

She lunged for him then, eyes bright with anger even as the stuncuff held her back with loud clang. “And killed him with his own kriffing blaster, Cassian. I can take care of myself.”

“Your taking care of yourself has nearly killed you more times than I can remember. Did you even stop to consider what that would do to me?” He was used to the urge to shake sense into her when Jyn was being so stubborn, but right then all he wanted was to do was grab Jyn and run far, far away. Find some backwater moon where the Empire couldn’t touch them and their baby. Where Jyn couldn’t get into trouble quite as easily. “Especially now?”

Jyn’s mouth twists into a grimace, and suddenly she can’t look at him. “Says the man has a lullaby in his damned jacket.” 

He’d told her about the pill towards start of everything between them, when he’d been drunk and morose, head in her lap and Jyn playing with his hair in that way that made Cassian want to tell anything she asked. If only the Empire knew it was so easy to make him talk. Even years later, the memory of the look on her face, how those sweet fingers had stilled against his scalp made Cassian’s blood run cold. He’d never mentioned the lullaby again, but he had noticed how Jyn avoided touching where the pill was hidden.

Cassian shifted his weight. “That’s not the same-” But Jyn doesn’t let him finish, cutting him off with a harsh noise somewhere between a laugh and sob.

“A pill you would take if you ever thought you were going to be captured. There wouldn’t be a karking chance for a rescue,” Her voice was heavy and Cassian moved to take her into his arms before holding himself back. Jyn looked more likely to punch him than let Cassian touch her at all. “You’d be gone before we even knew you were captured..”

He hasn’t seen Jyn cry since Jedha, and even then it was only the ghost of tears on her cheeks. But now her eyes were swimming with them and Cassian doesn’t have a single idea what to do. “You’re not the only one who worries, Cassian. You aren’t the only one with sleepless nights. _You’re not the only one that’s scared_.” She wiped at her cheeks angrily and mutters something under her breath about hormones.

“Jyn..” Cassian can’t resist reaching for her, but Jyn flinches away. 

“Don’t…” She dropped back onto the bed, the whole universe seeming to weigh down on her then. When Jyn finally looks up at him, her eyes are clear but so achingly sad. “I didn’t save Leia for glory, or because I was bored. I did it because this Rebellion means just as much to me as it does to you.” Her voice was so quiet, Cassian was drawn into her, crouching at her feet.

“That’s not what I meant, Jyn, I know what the Rebellion means to you.” Slowly, lightly, Cassian rested his fingers on her knees. 

He lets out a slow breath as one of her hands covered his. “Then stop acting like that means I don’t care about this baby.” Hard and fierce, Jyn’s tone draws his eyes back up to hers.

“I’m…” Sighing, Cassian shook his head. Like he wouldn’t have done what she did, if he had been on Talus. “You’re right. I”m sorry.”

“No you’re not.” Jyn shook her head, but he could see the ghost of a smile on her lips. “But you meant well, and I can’t stay mad at you for long. If that’s all you wanted to talk about, Cassian, I’m tired. Could you uncuff me so we can go to bed.” She wiggled her trapped hand, the cuff rattling against the railing.

“Bed?” His eyebrows shot upwards, and Cassian couldn’t help looking her over. She wouldn’t fit in his shirt for long, not with how the fabric strained over her still growing belly. They’d have to find someone with a larger set of spare clothing. Or Jyn could just stay here, safe and naked in their bed. It’s certainly where Cassian would like to keep her now.

Laughing, Jyn gently cuffed him upside the head before stroking her fingers through his hair. “You killed the mood pretty thoroughly when you stuncuffed me to the bed, Cassian.” 

Cassian huffed out a sigh, wishing for a moment that he’d picked a different path for tonight. That he’d surrendered to her seduction and was wrapped in her warm arms. “I wish I knew another way, but we’d have found ways to keep avoiding saying what needed to be said. Probably best for the little one’s sake.”

“Little one?” She’s playing with his hair and it’s as achingly delightful as he remembered. Tension he wasn’t aware of unwound from his shoulder, and Cassian slid his hands up to her hips.

Shrugging with a gentle smile, Cassian stroked his thumbs over her skin. “Well, we don’t have a name for him yet… unless you had one in mind.”

“It’s bad luck to name a baby before it’s born. At least, that’s what my mother said.” An almost wistful look came over Jyn’s face, making her seem so very young. So very beautiful. “Names were powerful things, and if you gave a child the wrong one, you’d invite misfortune. Something like that. I’m not give the little one a name until I meet it.”

“She’d be proud of you, Jyn.” Cassian murmured, taking in the sight of her before him so he could lock it away for when he was gone again and the nightmares came knocking.

Jyn smiled softly, and leaned forward to kiss his forehead softly. “I know. She’d like you too, she would be happy I found a good man.”

He doesn’t bother to protest when Jyn calls him a good man these days, Cassian knows just what he is and knowing Jyn loves him anyway is enough. He just hopes their baby never needs to know just what his hands were stained with.

A quiet rattling breaks his train of thought, and Cassian looks up to see Jyn shaking her stuncuffs. “Sorry to disturb you while you’re a thousand parsecs away but my back hurts and I want to lie down without this blasted thing.”

Cassian murmured apologies and pulled the remote from his pockets. The cuffs popped off with a soft beep, and he linked his fingers with Jyn’s newly freed ones. Gently tugging her hand towards him, Cassian kissed the red line around her wrist from the cuff. 

With the fingers already tangled in his hair, Jyn yanked his head back with a smirk. “Stuncuff me to a bed again for anything less than screwing me senseless and I’ll kick your arse halfway to the Core.” She practically purred, and Cassian desperately wanted to rewind time to when he’d entered the room so he could do just that.

“So you’d be interested in that sort of thing?” Murmuring, Cassian rose slowly, nudging her back to lay back on their bed.

“You’re an ass.” Jyn laughed, rolling away from his hands as he tried to sneak them under the shirt.

He pulled his hands back, knowing she was tired and probably sore where her hip was healing - even if she wouldn’t admit to it. “I know, but an ass that loves you.”

“I love you too, even when you insist on climbing into bed with dirty shoes on.” Pushing off his jacket, Jyn awkwardly sat up again so she could reach down and push off his boots. It took some work to get his pants off, but eventually he’s ready for bed to her satisfaction. 

Curling up next to him, Jyn rested her head on his chest. He stroked his fingers through her hair, wondering - for a moment - if it brought her as much peace as her fingers did for him.

And yet, even in the quiet of their room, one question kept tumbling through his mind. “You didn’t… you didn’t keep the baby just because he was mine?” Jyn’s quiet for a long time, still at his side with none of her normal fidgeting. It’s a question that’s haunted him since he first saw her in the Operations room. The Pathfinders had been her goal since she’d joined the Rebellion officially, and the worry he’d cost her that had eaten him. 

“No, I didn’t keep him just because he was yours, Cassian.‘ Setting her chin on his chest, Jyn worried her lip. “I kept him… because I love him, have from the moment I knew he was there. He’s mine… ours. And when this war ends, I wanted a future that was you and me and our baby. A house somewhere peaceful. The baby just showed up a bit earlier than I would have liked.”

Nodding, Cassian risks another question. “And if you hadn’t… wanted to go through with the pregnancy, would you have even told me about the baby?”

“Would you have wanted me to?” Her tone is cautious, but Cassian’s known Jyn too long, too well to not see the pain and worry in her eyes. Neither of them are used to having people who truly care in their lives, and Cassian wonders if Jyn will ever stop expecting him to leave her behind one day.

“Yes, Jyn.” He cupped her cheek gently. “Of course I would have wanted to know. I always want to know what’s going on in wondrous mind of yours.”

Jyn smiled gently, and leaned forward to kiss him slowly. “You’ve never believed me, but you are a good man, Cass. One of the best men I’ve ever met.” 

“You have a very strange definition of what a good man is.” He muttered, stroking her back.

She cuddled close to him, smirking a bit. “Because our lives are so normal.”

Laughing lowly, Cassian pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “Get some sleep. Never know when you might have to go save the Princess again.”

Jyn yawned loudly and shook her head. “Nope, your turn to save the Princess. I did it last time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost got a cavity from how sweet this got.
> 
> I also want to thank K_lara7 for her comment on the last chapter, it really kept my brain working on this chapter and helped keep the writer's block away.


End file.
